Friendship is very important in my life.
Growing up, my parents always had a lot of friends. On the weekends we had babysitters both Friday and Saturday nights so my parents could go to dinners or be at parties.
We were constantly hosting people at our house for dinners, graduations, and birthdays. Our summers were filled with neighborhood BBQs, block parties, and events.
The door to our house was always open and someone was always coming in.
My mom and dad are both very are good to their friends, and, in return, their friends are good to them. They are generous, thoughtful, loyal, and available.
After spending the weekend with my parents and their long time friends, I started to look at the relationships in my life.
Right now, I'm trying to live the example that my parents set. "Never go to someones house empty handed, thank you notes are expected always, help people whenever you can, stay involved, and most importantly, show up."
As a newlywed, my friendships are being redefined.
In Chicago, my best friends have always and will always be my best friends. We have unbreakable relationships, and no matter what, noting will change that bond. They will be my children's aunts and uncles, and vice versa.
Out here in California, it's different. I have made great friends - I've been blessed - but it's different.
There isn't as much loyalty and we are starting from a playing field without any history. It's not as easy, not as comfortable, and I struggle to fully open up, fully depend, and fully relax.
I've been struggling lately to understand and adapt to these different adult relationships, and it makes me yearn for my comfortable and full life back in Chicago.
I know that growing up - things change, and right now, I'm in the midst of learning what these adult relationships look like.
People have families, husbands, jobs, babies, and lives, that need to be tended to. And sometimes, I find myself disconnected.
Adult friendships are new to me and I'm trying to figure it out.
With that being said, I like being a good friend. I like making people feel thought of and special.
I want to live the way my parents did, and so it's up me to re-create that for myself and my family.
I always want to be known as someone who can be counted on, someone who is interested, and someone who is thoughtful.
Life is short, and I sure as hell want to be remembered as a good friend.
Love you!
ReplyDeleteThe "how people treat other people" quote is dead on with me this week. I needed to see that, I actually just posted a post about that exact issue. So glad I saw this post today.
ReplyDeleteWow this sounds so familiar. I grew up in Virginia and then moved to Houston and was married within 3 months. It was so hard for me to finally feel comfortable and open up to find new good friends. I can finally say after several years I'm finally getting my little group (no doubt from the assistance of blogging). It definitely is a challenging transition.
ReplyDeleteI went through this when I was in my 20's as well. I was a young wife and young Mom when a lot of my friends weren't in that same area of life. I lost a lot of friendships, but as my son started school, I gained a lot as well. You're so right when you say adult friendships are different! They really really are. But it's amazing how they can still have a thread of immaturity and inconsiderateness like they could have when we were young as well. Just keep being you, and don't waste your time on those that don't treat you like a priority. I think you're approach and following your parents lead is very smart! It will take time, but the good friends are out there =)
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate. I felt the same way when I first moved to Chicago and had no friends to call my own. Then there came a period where I made my friends, but like you said you couldn't totally rely on them. I definitely think it takes time and 3+ years later I have a few friends I do think I can count on. Still working on the other relationships but it can be a very hard and complicated thing. You will get there, you just have to keep working at it. :) And if you did decide to move back to Chicago because it just wasn't the same, I wouldn't mind it one bit. ;)
ReplyDeleteThis definitely sounds familiar. It's so challenging navigating the adult friendships. I, too, am living in a different city than where I grew up so not having that childhood history with my "new" friends can make a bit of a difference!
ReplyDeleteI guess it takes some time so I'm trying to be patient!
I couldn't agree with you more! It is so difficult making friends in LA and then add "couple friends" on top of that. It's almost impossible. It has taken us years to make friends out here that we truly value and I can count them all on two hands. It will come. Be open, take some unexpected risks and it will happen. At least that's what I tell myself.
ReplyDeletei love this post! I feel like this is something I am currently struggling with in having moved to a new city and wanting to make friends but also wanted to keep my old friendships strong. It is definitely difficult to balance both and also to incorporate different friend groups. Hope you have a wonderful week so glad yall had a great time in Phoenix!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post. It is so hard to make friends post-college and I feel like no one really tells you that!
ReplyDeleteI grew up in LA and moved back here after college. While I do have my parents and a sister here, I only have 2-3 close friends here now. The others moved or we grew apart. I have a close friend from elementary school that I reconnected with and one from high school. Anyone else I have met recently has been through blogging and I am thankful for that since my job as a nanny is very isolating.
I am actually going to this Lilly Pulitzer exhibit in Palos Verdes this Saturday with a blog reader I haven't met before. If you or Laura (or anyone else local) want to go I think it will be fun!
http://www.pvartcenter.org/exhibitions/currentexhibitions.htm
If you ever want to get together or plan a girls night for new friends let me know! I've been thinking about a brunch or something this fall
It definitely gets harder to make new friends once you "grow up."
ReplyDeleteAnd it's kind of funny because when I went to college, I was told that THOSE new friends would be my best friends for life. And while I had a great time with them while I was in college, I'm better friends now with my older high school/church friends. I saw something on Pinterest the other day that if you've been friends with someone for 7+ years, they're pretty much your friends for life and I couldn't agree more.
Amen sistah! Making friends as an adult is hard. And so much harder to find couple friends you both like! Add in kid and you start to really appreciate those few you have!
ReplyDeleteI was just clicking away at random links on other blogs when I stumbled across this post and just had to stop to read it.
ReplyDeleteI have similar thoughts for sure, because it seems that as I'm getting older, trying to make new friends seems more forced than I ever remember.