The Dirty Thirty

It's my birthday!

Thirty feels like a pretty big change. It's weird to think my twenties have come and gone, and now I'm entering an entirely new decade.

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with it, but I'm very, very thankful for what I have walking into it. I'm exactly where I want to be, and feel incredibly blessed to be living the life that I am. 

This blog has taken quite a little hit - and I'm never really sure if anyone is really even checking in - but it's still a space I want to develop and not leave behind....so if you're still here - thank you for keeping tabs on me and my pretty boring whereabouts. 

I figured I'd try and share 30 random things you may or may not know about me in honor of the big 3-0.

1. I'm the oldest of three girls - and by far fit the bill of a the classic "oldest" child. I'm pretty sure my parents would tell you that I have been the most mature of the family since the time I was about 3 years old....and for better or for worse (probably more worse than better), liked to have everyone follow my rules. When I was 12, if my parents told me they would be home at 10pm, if they weren't home by 10:02, I was calling the hostess of the restaurant they were dining at to check in on them .

2. Joel and I have been together for going on 12 years! 

3. My kids will go to all of the same schools that I went to - and will likely have a lot of the same teachers I had too. 

4. I do not like potatoes. I will sometimes go for french fries, but I don't love them. 

5. I could drink coffee all day long, and pretty much feel like the real life version of this mug. 

 

6. I have a weird thing with textures. As as kid, if my mom forced me to wear tights, I would cry and freak out, and as soon as the event was over, would peel them off my legs as fast as I could. Still to this day I CANNOT stand velvet, fleece, wool, cashmere, nylon, silk, and a slew of other materials. I would much prefer to live in an only cotton world. 

7. I have to sleep with a sound machine and sleep mask.

8. I have bad anxiety (and OCD) - and have since I was a kid. Sometimes it's worse than others, but it can, and has been very crippling.   

9. I went to school (at the University of Iowa) for Elementary Education, and plan to someday use my degree in a pre-school classroom

10.  I am an early to bed, early to rise kinda girl. I like to be asleep by 9:30, and am awake most mornings around 6am.

11. I cannot stand things messy or out of place. I literally have to be really sick in order to leave the house with an unmade bed. I remember hearing somewhere that if your physical space is orderly than it's easier for your mental space to be orderly, and I find that it rings very true for me.

12. I see my Mom 6 out of 7 days, and talk to her at least once a day.

13. I don't take many showers. Maybe....1 every two weeks? I much prefer to take a bath and normally do so at night or during nap time when I can sneak away for 30 minutes. 

14. I'm a super fast reader, and read a lot of books, but I really only tend to read books that are pleasant. I'm the same way with movies and TV shows. I don't like to watch or read things that make me sad or scared.

15. This winter I got majorly into puzzles. I was inside so much with a newborn and I didn't love having so much idle time on my hands, so having puzzles to sit with turned into a lovely hobby for me. It is so relaxing and seriously addicting.

16. My coffee order always is a Grande Hot Latte and while I love coffee, I HATE iced coffee. 

17. I'm pretty sure we only want two kids. Joel's always only wanted two, and I've jokingly said that I wanted 2.5. Now that we have a boy and a girl, I'm sort of coming around with the idea that we may be done.

18. I actually like running, and ran a half marathon in 2014 right before I got pregnant with Leo.

19. My biggest pet peeve is being late. I can't stand when I am late, or when anyone else is. 

20. I love watching sports. I love the romance and fun of college football in the fall, I like summer baseball, and I like filling out my bracket for March Madness....but I can't stand Soccer. Joel loves it, and I find it to be nails on a chalkboard. 

21. I'm not a huge fan of flying

22. I'm 100% an extrovert and absolutely get energy from being around people. I always joke that I am a really bad stay at home mom because I hate staying at home.

23. If I could go back to school and change my degree, I think I would have gone into interior design. I think it would be an ideal job that you could try and manage with a family, and as I've gotten older, I've gotten more and more intrigued with it.

24. My least favorite house chore is putting clothes away. 

25. I have really bad TMJ and my jaw clicks all the time when I talk and chew. 

26. I drive a white volkswagon tiguan, which I love, but I'm in need of a bigger car. I'd like to have a car with a bigger trunk and third row, so we've started to browse around here and there. I've always driven volkswagon's so I'm thinking I'm going to stay loyal and trade my car in for the Atlas. 

27. I am so happy to be back home living in Chicago, but I am SO glad that Joel and I started our life in California together. It's a really fun chapter of our lives that brought us some of our best friends and best memories.

28. My favorite dessert is key lime pie 

29. I'm writing this, and asking Joel for help, and he thinks you should know that I pretend to know a lot of lyrics to songs that I actually don't.

30. I'm a very good bullshitter. 

Bad Mom Confessions

I just saw Bad Mom's in the the theater this past weekend and found it SO refreshing.

Just because you got your baby to sleep through the night at week 3 or your four month old is walking and talking, it really doesn't make you any better than the mom next door whose ten year old is still waking up twice a night. 

I think its really easy to feel proud, and come off as an expert, but this movie really reminded me that we're all doing the absolute best that we can. 

It also reminded me to not lose sight of what is truly important when raising kids: kind, happy, good people. 

But, in the spirit of being a bad mom...I thought I would share a few confessions lately just to make sure you know that we're not always at baby classes or swim lessons, or whatever else I've shown on here to make you think that you should do more - because that is total bullshit if I've ever made you feel that way.

 

:::Unless Leo's crib sheet is like dripping in pee, I let the small pee stain dry and put him at the opposite end of the crib for his next nap. We don't have in-unit laundry and his pee is basically water.


::: I've convinced Joel that Leo only needs a bath every 3rd or 4th night because his skin can get really dry.  Leo's eczema flare up is gone but I'm sticking by my sentiment because the bath just adds twenty extra minutes to his bedtime routine and I don't feel like doing it every other night.


::: Speaking of bedtime routine, Leo lately has been playing in his crib for almost 45 minutes at night. but there is no way I'm stretching his bedtime....by 7pm, I need to clock out.


::: I sleep with earplugs in and many, many times have forgotten to turn the monitor on at night


::: Leo is always dressed adorably, and I always look like his underpaid nanny. 


::: Roscoe is somewhat like another toddler in the house, and I end up screaming at him to stop barking at least 100x a day, so now he takes naps when Leo does too. He goes into his kennel in one room, and Leo goes into his crib in the other, and I relish in the silence as best as I possible can.


::: I had to try on bathing suits at target this week with Leo in tow, and struck gold with getting the extra large dressing room so Leo could crawl around the floor.  All was perfect until I found him sucking on the door stopper that had chewed gum on it!!!!!!!


::: I'm trying everyday to get Leo to like a TV show. I would love it if he would sit and watch Paw Patrol while I jump in a ten minute shower, but he has no interest at all. It would also be VERY handy while we travel if he would watch something for a few minutes so I'm literally training him with a few minutes each day


::: Every day during Leo's nap, I take the dog outside. (Mom, DON'T FREAK OUT!). I always lock the door, take my keys and the monitor, and let Joel know when I leave and when I come back. I stay right in front of our building and go outside for like 4 minutes, but it sort of thrills me in a sick way each day I do it.


::: We switched cleaning ladies recently and our new one isn't half as good as our old one (and more expensive), but she does our laundry and folds it, and I will clean up after she leaves to prove to Joel that she is way worth the money. I hate laundry that much.


::: Very few days of the week do I wait for 5pm to have a beer or a glass of wine


::: In that vain, I feel like I day drink more now than I ever have in my entire life. These mom play groups or lunches after a class very rarely don't include a drink.


::: Every single day I try and get Leo to learn a new trick, because it gives me anxiety that I'm not teaching him enough. Like, how long do you practice "blow a kiss"? I've sat in front of him for two weeks trying to get him to attempt it with no luck. And that sometimes worries me.....am I a bad teacher? Is Leo a bad student?


::: I'm on my phone WAY too much during the day, and I feel a lot of guilt about it, but I get freaking bored.


::: I don't really flinch at crying. I've always been totally ok with letting Leo cry it out. Unless he is screaming in pain, he's staying in his crib until 6:30am every morning. And, I get car sick in the back seat, so there is no way I'm sitting back there either. Some of my girlfriends literally run into the bedroom when their babe starts to whine, and I sort of wonder if maybe I'm too tough!

---

I'm sure if you asked Leo, he could give you about 15 more confessions, but lets just keep it at this for today!

Don't leave me hanging here...........cough up a confession to make me feel a tiny bit better about my parenting skills!!!!

5 ::: Pet Peeves

pet peeve

noun

informal

noun: pet peeve; plural noun: pet peeves

                                something that a particular person finds especially annoying.

 

::: 1 :::

Rudeness

I find it especially annoying when it comes from grown adults. We have a neighbor in my building who literally says nothing when we say "Good morning!" or "How's it going?" . Its literally silence.  Like, can you not hear me?  Growing up, when you walked down the street, you said hello to people that passed you, wether you knew them or not (I think its a Midwest thing) because 50% of the time here, people at most will nod in response! I get personally insulted!

::: 2 ::: 

Texting in my face

I have a few friends (and maybe a sister.....) that are so bad about texting when we are in the middle of a conversation and unless its an actual emergency - it drives me insane. Not only do you feel like an idiot when you keep babbling and they are looking down, totally not focused at all, but it makes you feel like they have better things to do. I know I'm guilty of it....and my biggest offense is texting during a conversation with Joel....but I try really hard to not be that person. 

::: 3 :::

TV as background noise

If I'm not watching the TV, I don't like it to be playing in the background. I feel like it just adds more obnoxious noise, I don't like the look of the TV on (which is weird, I know) and creates sort of a chaotic energy for me. I do keep music on all day long, but that doesn't seem to bother me the way TV does. 

::: 4 ::: 

Chipped nails

They make me feel dirty and sloppy. Now that I can't get away to get my nails done more than a few times a month, I always have a light pink/clear manicure so that the growth doesn't send me over the edge. 

::: 5 ::: 

  Unmade beds

Can't do it. Haven't been able to since college. There are very few times I can remember not having my bed made and I think they've included very severe hangovers and/or fevers over 101! 

 

Ten things I've learned about myself in the last year

2+8 makes 10 and 28.....the age I just turned)

Upper twenties! Hot damn! No turning back now, but I honestly don't mind getting older.....what's the alternative?

But when I think about how much has changed in the last 12 months, I'm sort of blown away - so I figured I'd share some of the things that come to my mind when I look back on what this past year has brought and taught me. 

---

1. I'm officially a #SAHM. It's been somewhat of a natural change for our family, and while there have been sacrifices made in certain areas, I've found that we are all operating better because of this choice. I have, by no means, perfected the job title around here, but it's a work in progress. When I told my boss that I wasn't coming back, it took two months for me to not feel like I was just on a really long vacation. To watch the Sunday scaries just disappear is pretty amazing but I no longer can tell any kind of difference between weekdays and weekends. Overall though, it's a truly amazing #blessing for us, for right now.

2. I worked out far more when I was pregnant than I do now with a baby. In fact, just yesterday I told Joel that these past 7 months I've worked out the least that I have since I was able to understand that exercise made me feel good. I had become so good at working out so often because my body (and mind) needed it and it didn't feel good to miss it. With Leo,  I've fallen out of that habit and I'm having a hard time getting back in since my schedule doesn't allow for a lot of time away from the baby. I'm still managing about 2-3 days a week but I'm ready to increase that number and start finding ways to get in more workouts.

3. I talked a lot about being anxious when I was pregnant with Leo, and it really was the worst part of my pregnancy. In my third trimester I just felt riddled with fear every passing hour. It was not a fun place to be in and I hope to have better control over it for my next go around(s). There are a few things working for me currently, but anxiety for me typically shows its head during great change (like being pregnant!), so I know I'll need to really manage it in the future to keep it under control.

4. I started to like Chardonnay this year. No idea how it happened, but I finally fell in love with it. I used to not drink any white wine, and on occasion maybe I would choose a Sauvigon Blanc.....but now, a buttery, oaky, freezing cold glass of Chard calls my name quite often

5. I went to a mommy group and found out really fast it wasn't for me. I spent all pregnancy looking forward to it, planning the lifelong friends I was going to make, thinking about how we would all be on this same playing field and really be rooting for the success of each other as new mothers.....but I ended up hating it. I have no idea why either. It may have been the group of women, the instructor, my initial weirdness towards the dynamics - but I found it painful, I felt like it got really judgey really fast, and that comparisons were happening with our 4 week olds! Not my style.

6. My view on friends and friendship has changed a lot in the past year - and mainly for the better, even if that meant that I've paired down a little. I've really discovered what I'm looking for in friendships, how I like my friendships to operate, and what you do (and can expect) for good friends.

7.  Cooking has really become a passion for me. I think I really started to get good at cooking this year. I trust myself in the kitchen much more than I ever have and have really started to up my game. I've really enjoyed trying different styles, techniques, etc. and playing in the kitchen which is making my husband really happy.

8. I operate better than I thought without sleep. Having a newborn (and baby, really), everyone would give me the advice to try and stock up on sleep because it was truly going to be hell operating on such little sleep....but I was actually ok. Its not as hellish as it seems and you actually get used to it. A random night not getting good sleep sucks much worse (for me) than continual shitty sleep, because your body just kind of gets used to it.

9. How much my parents love me, and how all encompassing that love truly is. My mom has said many times that they are only as happy as their saddest child. For a long time, I thought that was so sad, but its so, so true. Our happiness really, truly, deeply brings our parents happiness, and I get it now. And I'm so sorry for being such a monster in high school!!!

10. I learned that you really, really, really want to marry your best friend. Because when life gets hard, or scary, or anxious, or sleepy, or sad, or funny, or joyful, or overwhelmingly amazing.....you are going to want to share that with your best friend and its going to make everything better.

Real Life confessions? rambles? thoughts?

::: I loved hearing about everyone's grocery bills and meal planning sessions. It's fascinating to me to see how people run the mundane parts of their lives (even though, meal planning and grocery shopping is actually pretty exciting for me). My favorite part of Cribs (remember that show?) was when you could take a peek into the fridge. I like seeing everyone's perfectly done up living room, but I reallllly want to look into your cabinets! 

::: Also, I ended up replying to comments on the actual post thread. I've been finding that a little bit easier than responding via email, but it sort of depends on the day. 

::: Leo is taking a formula bottle and night and I dropped my last pumping session. What does this mean? Well, it means that I only pump once a day now (!!!), and I'm able to actually freeze some of my milk so that I can leave him for more than a few hours a day. Plus, not having to pump at night is incredibly freeing. There have been many nights where I've had to go home to pump, or stop playing a board game with friends because I needed to pump, or hold off on a glass of wine until after I pumped....and now, I don't have to think about it as much. Being the only person to feed your baby is equal parts magnificent and overwhelming, so releasing some of that pressure feels awesome.

::: For the most part - minus a few things here and there - breastfeeding has been an overall very enjoyable experience for both Leo and I and I feel really lucky that I've been able to do so for six months, and hope to continue to do so for another six.

::: We FaceTime my mom and sisters at least three or four times a day. I know Joel thinks I'm crazy, but it honestly makes our days feel so much less isolating when we are home alone all day.

::: I just finished my first non-pregnancy/child-rearing book since January of last year - and ironically enough, it was all about babies. I can't escape it. It's an older book - Babyville by Jane Green - but I really enjoyed it. It's about 3 different women in their early thirties all at different stages of wanting, trying, having, or avoiding babies. I bought it at a library book sale for $2 dollars, but if you're looking for a light read, I would recommend it.

::: I feel like the older I get, the less I like people. Is that a horrible thing to admit? I consider myself fairly outgoing and social, and I truly like to be around people, but lately, I find that I have been actually liking fewer and fewer people. I think I'm starting to figure out qualities I truly enjoy in people, and being pickier with whom I invest in.

::: I am obsessed with the Today show. If I'm home, I will watch from 7am-11am and then my TV goes off, but I love everyone on the show. Especially Willie, but that's a whole other topic. But what legitimately keeps me up at night is all of their off camera relationships. My theory this is week is that Natalie Morales really hates Tamron Hall.

::: I took Unisom when I was pregnant and had insomnia, but just a few weeks ago, I took it again after having trouble sleeping for a few nights and HOLY COW. I forgot what a full nights sleep without any interruption feels like. There is nothing more amazing than sleep!

::: I'm leaving next week for Chicago for almost 3 weeks and I haven't even started thinking about packing. I'm not quite sure why I'm not stressed, because I probably should be, but I think I'm just more excited than anything, and just want to throw a bunch of shit in my suitcase and go home! 

::: It helps too that my in-laws are coming into town this weekend. They are staying with us, and I intend to take advantage of their help and get everything done while they are here.

::: Do you know that at about the time Leo turned 4 months old people started asking me when we are going to have another baby? Holy shit, I'm not ready, and don't expect to be for another year or two.  I think 2.5 or 3 years between babes is ideal. I like the idea of having one child in diapers at a time.

::: And honestly, if someone could just hand deliver me a baby at 3 months old, I think I would have at least five or six kids. It's the pregnancy and newborn stuff that ain't so much fun!

::: I have turned into a full blown coffee addict! It started when I was pregnant because a few times a week I would treat myself to a decaf latte in the afternoon. Once I had Leo, that afternoon latte was not longer decaf. Well, now, it's become more than a few times a week, and more like 5 or 6 times a week! It's nice to end our long walks at Coffee Bean and a latte at 11am energizes me for the rest of the day.....and I just don't think its right to sacrifice my productivity


::: I finished Fuller House on Netflix (loved it), and moved on to Girls season 5 on HBOgo. Totally going from A to Z on that one, but I've been really enjoying watching a show on my ipad in the bath or in bed as a way to wind down and just chill out before going to sleep.

::: I'm going to my first Power Yoga class on Friday since B-Leo. I have a hard time spending the $30 for a class, but I'm not ready to reboot my Equinox membership because I just don't feel like I can get there enough just yet.

::: Although......they do have a kids club, so I may need to start seriously thinking about it. I think it'd be good for Leo to have other people watch him a bit during the week, because I'm already seeing a lot of tears when friends or family go to hold him! 

::: Joel has Friday off of work, which means we both have a short work week! I'm going to sneak in my yoga class, then we have Leo's 6 month check up (HOW?), and then we're going to have a liquid lunch to celebrate Leeman's half year birthday! Like the good parents we are ;)

Rambling Thoughts

::: Hearing the baby start to stir on the monitor is like one of the scariest things ever. I don't know why, but I actually feel fear every time he starts to break from a nap.

::: So, on Saturday night, I introduced two ounces of formula into Leo's 8oz bottle. (We're using Holle formula, if you're looking for one, its supposed to be one of the best). I have a few solo trips coming up, and not enough milk, so I need to make sure he can be fed by other people. He took the bottle down fine, but I had to take him to the doctor yesterday because he has a rash. Not sure if its the formula, or a heat rash from our hike on Sunday, and it doesn't seem to bother him, but its all over. The doc doesn't think it looks like an allergic reaction, but we're pulling the formula until it clears up just to be sure.

::: The rash also gave me major guilt because I feel like, maybe I shouldn't be going away, maybe I should be nursing more, pumping more, producing more....that whole thing....

::: My birthday and mother's day fall on the same day this year and to celebrate, one of my girlfriends and I are reallllllly trying to zip down to Mexico for a 3 night vacay! My sister is going to come to help Joel out with Leo, and I'm going to take full advantage of my first trip solo. I'm ready for a little break and literally counting down the days and dreaming of sleep, sand, and sun! 

::: My new favorite blog is HappilyEvaAfter.com - and her snapchat (same name) is even better. It has quickly turned into one of the few daily reads for me.

::: I've never really been that obsessed with the Bachelor, but this season has me hooked! I actually like all three of the final contestants (two as of today, I guess), and I think Ben is absolutely adorable.

::: March is a big month, we have a REALLY exciting dinner this Thursday (more deets to come), Leo's baptism, a wedding, a few showers, and we'll be spending 15 days in Chicago! I'm really excited for every event, but I'm in a RAGE with everything I own in my closet - which brings me into a rage with the fact that I still have 8 pounds to lose to get to my pre-pregnancy weight.

::: During my pregnancy I dealt with a lot of anxiety - and in turn - every time I went to the doctors office, I had high blood pressure. I became afraid of getting my blood pressure taken and would literally panic whenever it came time to take my vitals. When I left the hospital with Leo, I was still really scared about blood pressure, and wanted to monitor it, so I made Joel buy a machine to test it at home. My anxiety is much better now - and so is my blood pressure - but I still test it every single day. It's probably not the healthiest way to deal with it because its a little compulsive, but now it's a game at how low of a reading I can get. 

::: Lately I've found myself in situations that I don't like, only because I have this obnoxious desire to BE liked. I feel like sometimes I force relationships with people I don't even like, only because I can't stand that maybe they just don't like me either? Not sure if its an ego thing, or what, but I'm really working on trying to not give a shit if people like me or not. 

::: I miss blogging like I used to, when I felt like I had a little creative outlet, but now when I go to blog I feel like I don't have a lot to bring to the table. I don't necessarily have unique content, our weekends look similar week after week, and the free time I have, I often want to just sit on the couch with a glass of wine and not do anything.

::: We're trying to cook at home for dinner at least 6 nights a week, and so far, so good! We are on our 4th week! I should start keeping track of some of my recent favorites and maybe even blog about it! ;)

::: This month my little baby will turn six months! HOW?!!?!?! Time really is moving at warp speed, but I think its because when you are around babies, you can actually see time.

::: I'm planning my cousin's Bachelorette party for this fall in Austin, Texas! We are going with a big group of girls and are looking to rent a big house with a pool. Any recommendations on can't-miss things to do in Austin?

::: I much prefer snapchat (tshields622) to Instagram (@teatimewithtess)- I never thought I would say that....but its the truth. Now, instagram pretty much bores me.

::: I'm more excited than I should be to make Leo's Easter basket this year! I ordered a darling little basket that I'm stalking the tracking info for and want to fill with lots of spring and summer goodys. We are driving down to San Diego for the holiday, but I'm taking it with us regardless of how nonsensical is may be (joel!). 

 

Ok, thats all I got for this week! 

Happy March! 

10 Things I Learned from College

 I actually can't believe that it's been five years since I graduated from the University of Iowa. My time at Iowa was honestly amazing.  I truly feel like I got the quintessential college experience and I wouldn't change anything (or much of) what I did.

I had fun thinking back to my glory days - and dang they were so good. 

 

 

1. Make Your Bed  

And make it first thing. It's a game changer, especially when you do a lot of living in your bedroom.

2. College girlfriends will know you like no other group of friends....invest in them.

These girls get to know you like no other group of friends ever will. It's the first time you are all without your parents, living together as adults, doing adult things...its a bond that really can't be found ever again.

3. Don't watch sad shows

Grey's Anatomy was the big show during college and everyone would get together on Thursdays to watch it. Well, I would get such anxiety about all of the medical emergencies I'd end up not sleeping for three nights afterwards - all to do it again the following Thursday. I got wise by sophomore year and joined the group after the show was over. 

4. The importance of volunteering

To Whom Much is Given; Much is Required finally made sense to me and I started understanding that I fell into that category.

5. Long Island Ice Tea's don't agree with you 

Especially six of them.

6. Exercise has to be a priority

Especially when you are eating Velveeta as a 4th dinner every weekend. 

7.  How to get out of a ticket

There are lots of morons on college campuses, including myself at times, but having manners goes a long way.

8. Not all vodka is created equal.

There is a BIG difference between Hawkeye Vodka and Kettle One. I promise you it's worth the extra $4 bucks. 

 

9. When to go home

And that would be before you have the spins.

10. That your college major means less than you think it does

I graduated with a degree in Elementary Education - and while I truly believe aspects of that degree have helped me in every job I've ever held, I've never struggled to find a job outside of that field. 

And Go Hawks! 

Confessions

My sweet friend Ally recently posted a bunch of confessions and I figured it was due time I fess up around here too...

::: I confess I have to change the channel when the preview for San Andreas comes on. The small earthquakes I've been in are not fun and the thought of "the big one" will keep me up for nights.

::: I confess the only thing that gets me out of bed quick is the thought of a toasted bagel and a hot cup of coffee.

::: I confess that when speaking of bagels, I really should say it's cream cheese. The bagel is just the vehicle.

::: I confess I've been wearing leggings at least 3x week and on the days that I don't, I change back into them as quickly as I can. 

::: I confess, and this is bad....but....I've been binge watching Bringing Up Bates (on the UP channel). It's basically the same thing as 19 kids and counting. I have no idea why I am so intrigued with these families but I am, and I'm addicted....and I stalk their instagrams!

:::I confess that we haven't done anything for the nursery or registry, and I'm starting to think that maybe we're behind schedule? Hopefully not, but the task just seems daunting and I keep putting it off but now that we have shower dates on the books, I need to get my butt in gear. 

::: I confess that we have a baby name that we are in love with, and not changing, but it absolutely annoys the crap out of me that I know someone else that named her son the same name in our hometown. We have plenty of mutual friends, and we both chose the name because its a family name for us both, so it just is what it is, but it still does irk me.

:::  I confess that I've been reading the cheap $2.99 kindle books for a mindless read. They are so bad, and I've read like four horribly written books, but they're relaxing and light and it's just what the doctor has ordered, and who am I to argue with that?

:::I confess I really, really miss Chicago between now and December. LA totally wins January-May, but now is when I really have to manage my homesickness blues.

::: I confess that I'm pretty much a joke at my spin class. I show up, and for me, that's my goal, but I kind of want to wear a sign that says "I'm pregnant" because I'm the only not leaving drenched in sweat. I'm pretty sure the instructor is looking directly at me when he screams "DIG DEEP" or "GO HARDER"....I try and like awkwardly touch my stomach to see if he will pick up on my hints but I think he just thinks I'm being lazy and not trying as hard as I can.

::: I confess that it is hard to watch the number go up on the scale. And I know that it is absolutely the best reason, that there is no sense in worrying about it because it aint changing, AND that it is just a freaking blessing to have this problem, but it is taking me a little getting used to.

:::I confess that I feel really, really, really uncomfortable complaining about any aspect of pregnancy. I am truly thankful and overwhelming grateful for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy, developing baby that I'm trying to really keep my minor annoyances and complaints to a bare minimum.

Ok, don't leave me hanging....confess something good from this week....

Sailing

Beyond all of the fun weekend plans and quick getaways, it's actually been a pretty tough month for my family. We lost a dear, dear, dear family friend this week and have gotten less than stellar health news from other loved ones the last few weeks. 

Life is so fragile and so unpredictable and so damn scary sometimes.

More times than not, if I let myself go to that dark place of fear and anxiety and sadness and grief, all I really want to do is climb in bed and never come out.

But, we can't do that, and as my mom said, life is never smooth sailing, but we just have to figure out a way to roll with the winds and not tip over.

So, I'm going roll with the winds and try and remind myself of all the good things around me. I wholeheartedly believe focusing on gratitude and sending positive energy is magic that heals. At least a little.

So today, I am thankful for 

:::Rosé

:::David Beckham sightings after SoulCycle

:::Weekend plans

:::New Girl

:::My ugg slippers

:::A dog that likes to cuddle

:::A good book

:::Pintrest

:::These gap leggings (buy them, I bought two)

:::Scented candles

:::Anthropologie

:::California weather

:::Group texts

:::and all of the obvious stuff that I feel bad leaving out but don't need to write it because I'm thankful for it every damn second.

Hosting Thanksgiving ::: Help Needed

First of all, I'm hosting Thanksgiving and mostly I'm just beyond excited. I have pretty much dreamed of the day that I would host my own family for a holiday, at my own home, with my own stuff....and it's actually happening. 

I'm excited to use my fancy new china from our wedding, platters that are still in boxes, and the beautiful table linens that are desperate to be used. 

I've raided the aisles of HomeGoods and Michaels and I'm pretty sure I've got everything we will need. (Joel would tell you that we god damn better)

I'm hosting 14 for dinner/16 for dessert, so we are renting an extra table and chairs and hoping to coordinate the whole thing as flawlessly as possible for a somewhat small condo. 

This is my china, table cloth, and chargers- so I'm picking up the silver theme and running with it.

I want lots of silver pieces on the table and the more candles the better in my book. 

 

 

We are sitting down for dinner at 5:30/6, but are asking people to come closer to 2pm, so we can enjoy lots of appetizers and get people as drunk as possible.

Besides making everything as early as possible, what are YOUR tips for a successful, stress-free, and fun Thanksgiving? Lots of wine??

But seriously, I'd love to know if you have little tips that have made your hosting job a bit easier, so throw them my way.

As for Joel & my family...just remember...

My thoughts on caring too much.

 

I was scrolling through pintrest and this quote stopped me dead in my tracks.

I've been struggling with this exact.... feeling...for a while now. Maybe even months. 

Probably since I lost my Aunt Peggy.

I feel like I've grown up a lot in the last few years, I've started to understand true love and started to learn how to really love people.

 I'll get off the phone with my sister, and my heart will ache because of how much I love her. I get voicemails from my Grandma that make me cry. I found myself sitting at the Thanksgiving day table with gratitude that hurt.

And my friends....don't even get me started. Moving away has taught me a lot about friends. My best friends in Chicago are cherished gold to me. I wouldn't be able to live without them. And my friends here in California, they became my family. 

But, with all of this, comes such burden. I carry the worries, pitfalls, and issues of about fifty people. And it's exhausting.

My sister called me this week with school problems. She just needed to vent. But, I carry her pain with me for days - long after she stopped caring about them. I want so desperatley to take it away from her that I start to tell myself I wish I didn't care, because I'm powerless.

My mom carries such deep grief after losing her sister and best friend, and I'll never be able to fill that void for her. I'll never be able to fix it.

So, sometimes, I wish I just didn't care.

Not caring means that I don't get hurt. 

Not loving means I'll never feel loss.

And, well, I guess my point is that, true love is really, really scary. 

This Year

This is probably one of the first years that I don't a clear and concise lists of "resolutions".

 

I know that in 2014 I need to focus on being grateful, kind, and healthy. Is there a better combination? I mean, when I'm dead and people describe me, I want them to say that I was all three of those things.

They're all pretty tough to measure, but, I'm going to try and add the following into my daily life to ensure that at the end of 2014 I come out better than where I started.

Go to church regularly

Read books that aren't chick-lit

Volunteer and Donate

Walk 10,000 steps a day

Leave my comfort zone

Take opportunities without fear

 Show up

 

Perspective - and a farewell!

Last week, I got quite the dose of reality. On Tuesday night, my middle sister, Hannah, called me to tell me that she was sitting in the Emergency Room with my cousin Amanda, waiting for my parents and sister to get into the city at the hospital she was at.


She hadn't been feeling well for a few days, and after finding blood in her vomit, coupled with serious back/organ pain, she decided she couldn't wait any longer.



They admitted her into the hospital after a blood test that revealed her kidney levels were way too high.  From there we endured the long and daunting process of waiting for doctors to give us answers.

 
Long story short, Hannah finally got out of the hospital on Thursday night. Her levels came down, her kidney looked and responded perfectly to treatment, and the doctors are confident we are in the clear. There are a few theories as to why this happened but it's hard to pinpoint exactly which one is the culprit.


It was a very long three days, and I was paralyzed in fear as my family all sat in the hospital room for three days. Three long days, with too much wait time and WAY too many miles between me and my sister, and my family.



It was those three days that reminded me that while my wedding this weekend is going to be amazing, memorable, and quite possibly the best day of my life....it's not the most important thing in my world. Every little wedding stress that had been haunting me last week, meant nothing. My sister was sick, and her recovery was the only thing that mattered to me.



In a way, I needed that reminder. NOT in the way it was served to me, not at all, but a little perspective never hurt anyone.

 

So, now, wedding week is here. 

 
My family is healthy, my friends will be by my side, my bags are packed, my fiance and I are in love, my house is in order, and I'm ready to ENJOY every little bit of this week. We will be surrounded by great love, and I cannot wait to soak it all in.
 
I leave tomorrow for Chicago, so it will be quiet around here for a while. I have some amazing blog friends popping in to say hello....but when I return, I'll be

MRS. TEA TIME WITH TESS 

 

Until then, keep up with me on instagram (@teatimewithtess) and follow #joelandtess for some wedding pics!!

xo

Healthy Living

Shout out to Christina for this fun survey!

1. What did you eat for breakfast? I had a spoonful of organic peanut butter (which I do everyday) and a Greek yogurt with pecans.

2. How much water do you drink a day? I am pretty good about drinking water. On a normal day I will have 6-8 cups.

3. What is your current favorite workout? For sure, SoulCycle. It's been fun to mix in a different type of cardio workout into my weekly runs. I also feel like SoulCycle TORCHES calories off my body. I sweat in that 45 minute class like nobody's business!

4. How many calories do you eat daily? A typical day tends to be 1800-2000, although, a "skinny" day is 1400.

5. Favorite healthy snacks: Carrots with Jalapeno and Cilantro hummus or if I need a sweet treat, apples with peanut butter or cinnamon do the trick. Unhealthy snack? Cheese and meat.

6. What do you usually eat for lunch? Since givng up carbs, lunch is the hardest meal for me. If I don't have leftovers, I normally make a smorgasbord of goodies. My favorite is carrots, hummus, 2 pieces of Swiss cheese with avocado inside (like a roll up), and some pistachios. 

7. What is your favorite body part to strength train? The only part of my body that I am actively strength training is my arms. I have 6lb free weights and I do a 20 minutes routine 4x/week. 

8. What is your least favorite body part to strength train? Probably abs, which is why I do not do them.

9. What are your ‘bad’ food cravings? Right now, I crave greasy carbs. French fries, a  cheeseburger, bagels and cream cheese, and chips & guac.

10. Do you take vitamins or supplements? ...I don't. I should. I don't.

11. How often do you eat out? I try not to for breakfast or lunch (unless I have a work thing.) I much prefer happy hour with girlfriends or a dinner out with Joel. Joel and I eat out about once a week and I try to meet my girls once a week too. 

12. Do you eat fast food? No - at least not your typical "fast food" joints. We are picky about our restaurants, but my favorite faster food is The Reel Inn in Malibu.

13. Who is your biggest supporter? For health, Joel. He is, and always has been, very healthy and athletic. Playing tennis in college, and currently training for a 50k -32 miles- in the mountains, exercise and smart nutrition has always been easy for him.  Plus, he loves the healthy dinners I make and really encourages me to find good recipes for us to try. 

14. Do you have a gym membership? Nope. I run outside and my office has a gym that I try to get to every week as well. Plus, I'm going to try and do SoulCycle weekly.

15. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? I am a sleeper. I go to sleep before 10pm every weeknight and sleep in until 7:15.

16. Do you have a ‘cheat’ day? No, I really don't do cheat days - a full day of indulgence forces me to be super strict for 3 following days. I cheated for a week in Mexico and it totally undid a month's worth of work. I do cheat during my day, a few things here and there, but one day of going crazy is killer.

17. Do you drink alcohol? I do, and it's my biggest vice. Pretty sure if I could eliminated it from my diet, I would lose 10lbs, but it's the one thing that I really, really don't want to let go of. I would rather run 2 extra miles a day - and be a happy, person who enjoys my life....so the wine (and tequila) is staying.

18. Do you have a workout buddy? Shelby is a great runner and is totally up for trail runs and hikes on the weekends, which helps get me out of bed. And, Laura is a great SoulCycle riding buddy too!

19. What is the best thing that has changed about your life since committing to a Healthy Lifestyle? Since giving up carbs I have WAY less stomach aches. And, I did buy a pair of jeans one size smaller than normal. And, I am about nine pounds down from where I was on Thanksgiving. I'd like to be down about 16(!!) more before I walk down the aisle, but I'm focusing on small goals to try and not freak myself out.

20. What is the last healthy thing you did? I ran a 10k on Saturday to help find a cure for pancreatic cancer.