2+8 makes 10 and 28.....the age I just turned)
Upper twenties! Hot damn! No turning back now, but I honestly don't mind getting older.....what's the alternative?
But when I think about how much has changed in the last 12 months, I'm sort of blown away - so I figured I'd share some of the things that come to my mind when I look back on what this past year has brought and taught me.
1. I'm officially a #SAHM. It's been somewhat of a natural change for our family, and while there have been sacrifices made in certain areas, I've found that we are all operating better because of this choice. I have, by no means, perfected the job title around here, but it's a work in progress. When I told my boss that I wasn't coming back, it took two months for me to not feel like I was just on a really long vacation. To watch the Sunday scaries just disappear is pretty amazing but I no longer can tell any kind of difference between weekdays and weekends. Overall though, it's a truly amazing #blessing for us, for right now.
2. I worked out far more when I was pregnant than I do now with a baby. In fact, just yesterday I told Joel that these past 7 months I've worked out the least that I have since I was able to understand that exercise made me feel good. I had become so good at working out so often because my body (and mind) needed it and it didn't feel good to miss it. With Leo, I've fallen out of that habit and I'm having a hard time getting back in since my schedule doesn't allow for a lot of time away from the baby. I'm still managing about 2-3 days a week but I'm ready to increase that number and start finding ways to get in more workouts.
3. I talked a lot about being anxious when I was pregnant with Leo, and it really was the worst part of my pregnancy. In my third trimester I just felt riddled with fear every passing hour. It was not a fun place to be in and I hope to have better control over it for my next go around(s). There are a few things working for me currently, but anxiety for me typically shows its head during great change (like being pregnant!), so I know I'll need to really manage it in the future to keep it under control.
4. I started to like Chardonnay this year. No idea how it happened, but I finally fell in love with it. I used to not drink any white wine, and on occasion maybe I would choose a Sauvigon Blanc.....but now, a buttery, oaky, freezing cold glass of Chard calls my name quite often
5. I went to a mommy group and found out really fast it wasn't for me. I spent all pregnancy looking forward to it, planning the lifelong friends I was going to make, thinking about how we would all be on this same playing field and really be rooting for the success of each other as new mothers.....but I ended up hating it. I have no idea why either. It may have been the group of women, the instructor, my initial weirdness towards the dynamics - but I found it painful, I felt like it got really judgey really fast, and that comparisons were happening with our 4 week olds! Not my style.
6. My view on friends and friendship has changed a lot in the past year - and mainly for the better, even if that meant that I've paired down a little. I've really discovered what I'm looking for in friendships, how I like my friendships to operate, and what you do (and can expect) for good friends.
7. Cooking has really become a passion for me. I think I really started to get good at cooking this year. I trust myself in the kitchen much more than I ever have and have really started to up my game. I've really enjoyed trying different styles, techniques, etc. and playing in the kitchen which is making my husband really happy.
8. I operate better than I thought without sleep. Having a newborn (and baby, really), everyone would give me the advice to try and stock up on sleep because it was truly going to be hell operating on such little sleep....but I was actually ok. Its not as hellish as it seems and you actually get used to it. A random night not getting good sleep sucks much worse (for me) than continual shitty sleep, because your body just kind of gets used to it.
9. How much my parents love me, and how all encompassing that love truly is. My mom has said many times that they are only as happy as their saddest child. For a long time, I thought that was so sad, but its so, so true. Our happiness really, truly, deeply brings our parents happiness, and I get it now. And I'm so sorry for being such a monster in high school!!!
10. I learned that you really, really, really want to marry your best friend. Because when life gets hard, or scary, or anxious, or sleepy, or sad, or funny, or joyful, or overwhelmingly amazing.....you are going to want to share that with your best friend and its going to make everything better.