5.11.2016

Ten things I've learned about myself in the last year

2+8 makes 10 and 28.....the age I just turned)

Upper twenties! Hot damn! No turning back now, but I honestly don't mind getting older.....what's the alternative?

But when I think about how much has changed in the last 12 months, I'm sort of blown away - so I figured I'd share some of the things that come to my mind when I look back on what this past year has brought and taught me. 

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1. I'm officially a #SAHM. It's been somewhat of a natural change for our family, and while there have been sacrifices made in certain areas, I've found that we are all operating better because of this choice. I have, by no means, perfected the job title around here, but it's a work in progress. When I told my boss that I wasn't coming back, it took two months for me to not feel like I was just on a really long vacation. To watch the Sunday scaries just disappear is pretty amazing but I no longer can tell any kind of difference between weekdays and weekends. Overall though, it's a truly amazing #blessing for us, for right now.

2. I worked out far more when I was pregnant than I do now with a baby. In fact, just yesterday I told Joel that these past 7 months I've worked out the least that I have since I was able to understand that exercise made me feel good. I had become so good at working out so often because my body (and mind) needed it and it didn't feel good to miss it. With Leo,  I've fallen out of that habit and I'm having a hard time getting back in since my schedule doesn't allow for a lot of time away from the baby. I'm still managing about 2-3 days a week but I'm ready to increase that number and start finding ways to get in more workouts.

3. I talked a lot about being anxious when I was pregnant with Leo, and it really was the worst part of my pregnancy. In my third trimester I just felt riddled with fear every passing hour. It was not a fun place to be in and I hope to have better control over it for my next go around(s). There are a few things working for me currently, but anxiety for me typically shows its head during great change (like being pregnant!), so I know I'll need to really manage it in the future to keep it under control.

4. I started to like Chardonnay this year. No idea how it happened, but I finally fell in love with it. I used to not drink any white wine, and on occasion maybe I would choose a Sauvigon Blanc.....but now, a buttery, oaky, freezing cold glass of Chard calls my name quite often

5. I went to a mommy group and found out really fast it wasn't for me. I spent all pregnancy looking forward to it, planning the lifelong friends I was going to make, thinking about how we would all be on this same playing field and really be rooting for the success of each other as new mothers.....but I ended up hating it. I have no idea why either. It may have been the group of women, the instructor, my initial weirdness towards the dynamics - but I found it painful, I felt like it got really judgey really fast, and that comparisons were happening with our 4 week olds! Not my style.

6. My view on friends and friendship has changed a lot in the past year - and mainly for the better, even if that meant that I've paired down a little. I've really discovered what I'm looking for in friendships, how I like my friendships to operate, and what you do (and can expect) for good friends.

7.  Cooking has really become a passion for me. I think I really started to get good at cooking this year. I trust myself in the kitchen much more than I ever have and have really started to up my game. I've really enjoyed trying different styles, techniques, etc. and playing in the kitchen which is making my husband really happy.

8. I operate better than I thought without sleep. Having a newborn (and baby, really), everyone would give me the advice to try and stock up on sleep because it was truly going to be hell operating on such little sleep....but I was actually ok. Its not as hellish as it seems and you actually get used to it. A random night not getting good sleep sucks much worse (for me) than continual shitty sleep, because your body just kind of gets used to it.

9. How much my parents love me, and how all encompassing that love truly is. My mom has said many times that they are only as happy as their saddest child. For a long time, I thought that was so sad, but its so, so true. Our happiness really, truly, deeply brings our parents happiness, and I get it now. And I'm so sorry for being such a monster in high school!!!

10. I learned that you really, really, really want to marry your best friend. Because when life gets hard, or scary, or anxious, or sleepy, or sad, or funny, or joyful, or overwhelmingly amazing.....you are going to want to share that with your best friend and its going to make everything better.


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9 comments:

  1. You should look into stroller strides - easy was to workout with the baby. As far as mommy groups, I've done a few I HATED and found one I've made great friendships at - don't write it off completely!

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  2. Blame the hormones, but for some reason this post made me feel really emotional. It has been such a big year for you. Happy 28!!! xoxo

    p.s. I'm really glad you hopped on board the chardonnay train, because it's amazing.

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  3. Seconding Laura's comment... welcome to Team Chardonnay. I have a glass ready for you on my deck.

    Revisit this post in a year... I used to think that shit would slow down as we got older, but that is NOT the case! xo

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  4. You have had such a great year- most importantly, welcoming Leo into the world! :)

    My mom always says "you will understand your parents immense love for you once you have a child"!

    Also I love cooking too and have tried many of your yummy recipes!

    Xo
    Ami
    www.becomingthebehars.com

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  5. I out of the blue started liking Chardonnay as well! Used to hate it! I could not agree more about being able to function off little sleep. Lately Oliver has been sleeping like a champ but for the first 4 months of his life I was running on fumes. And #10 is so so true. I too suffer from terrible anxiety as you know and having Theo in my life who sees everything black and white helps to bring me back to reality! Loved reading these and makes me wish you lived right next door!

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  6. There is something with your blog that I ALWAYS end up losing my comments some how. They just disappear and I'm too lazy to re-type them. I'll email you later. Short of it was...I love this post!!!!! And your mommy group makes me think of the new show, There goes the motherhood!

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  7. Love this post! I haven't tried a mommy group for the exact reason you describe, so I am glad I am not the only one. I went to visit some old work colleagues and one of them was totally trying to compare and compete my baby's development with her kids...

    I totally agree about the sleep and marrying your best friend. I think that having a baby has made my marriage stronger and also deepened my appreciation for my parents. It is funny that those are the biggest changes when I worried about so many other things!

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  8. Happy Birthday!! What a year!
    #2 - This one hit home with me. I just got the OK to start working out again ... and I have no idea where/when I will have the time.

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