Isn't it funny...

...that the things we most often dread are often the most rewarding?

For example: 

Cooking dinner: Sometimes, I just wake up in the morning, and I've already decided that I will be too tired and too hungry to make dinner. I've already made up my mind that when I come home at 5, and take out the dog, and then clean up the house, and finally crash onto the couch, that I will not want to stand in the kitchen for the next hour and cook. And then clean. A bagel, cream cheese, and wine is just so much faster, sounds delicious, and is quite frankly just a lot easier.

BUT on the few nights of the week that I actually convince myself to just give it a try, I end up feeling so gratified. I end up putting on some jazz music, lighting candles, pouring a glass of wine, and start to enjoying the process. And I love to see how excited Joel is that he gets to eat an actual meal. And even if the meal is bad, he always raves about it. And then, after dinner, I feel good. I feel productive. I feel glad that I fed myself and my boyfriend a healthy, home cooked meal.

So, if cooking a healthy dinner makes me feel good, why don't I do it 5 days a week?

Exercising: Kind of like the whole cooking dinner thing, I normally wake up and decide that today is not going to be a day of exercise. I convince myself that I'm too tired, too busy, too sore, too hungry, too whatever to quite possibly put on workout pants and actually break a sweat. And this is before the day has even started. I get myself all worked up and convince myself that it will be this whole fiasco and then end up justifying the fact that I won't end up doing it. By the time I hit the couch after work, I feel lazy and guilty that I never made it out.

BUT if I do get my lazy butt in a pair of lululemon pants, I feel freaking great. It really doesn't matter how I break the sweat; hike, pure barre, jog, yoga, whatever...I just feel better after I've done it. I feel energized, sexy, and productive. I feel good. I feel healthy.

So, if exercising makes me feel like that, why don't I do it 5 days a week?

Flying in a plane: I get a little flight anxiety and often times can get myself worked up in such a tizzy before I've even gotten to the airport that I feel sick, light headed, and nervous. I think about how it feels to go through turbulence or I recount scary experiences that have happened to me in the past - sometimes from the comfort of my bed. I do always get on the plane, but even after a xanax and a mimosa, I've been known to wake up the person next to me and ask them to hold my hand. I hate thinking that I have to taint my travel experiences with an anxiety to actually travel!

BUT if I do keep myself calm and in control and relaxed, I feel proud of myself. I feel like I acted like an adult. I think to myself, "good girl, you're growing up". I'm glad that I've controlled the power of my thoughts and realized that planes and pilots are SAFE. Safer than cars really!  And I never want my fear to win, I never want to succumb, so I like it when I stay in the drivers seat of the situation.

So, if focusing my positive thoughts and overcoming fear makes me feel good, why don't I do it all the time?

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I don't have an answer to these questions. Ha - if I did, I wouldn't have written these thoughts down....but it is an interesting topic to ponder. Hopefully one day I'll get off this roller coaster of the ups and downs, just stay consistent, but until then.....I just hope for more ups than downs and the permission to keep riding.