Wedding Wednesday: Pre-Marital Counseling

Love is the most important 

Since we decided on our officiant, we've been enrolled in  pre-martial counseling with our officiant. Since the officiant lives the East Coast we skype with him at 6:30am every other Friday, for about an hour. I've never done therapy/counseling before, and since it was a requirement, I didn't really couldn't find an out.

And I'm so glad I didn't.

We do a lot of listening, and reflecting, and sometimes the truth does hurt, but most of the time we leave the session feeling inspired and motivated to get closer as team.

We took a break for the month of December, since we are leaving for Mexico, and in lieu of actual conferences, we've been rewarded with worksheets and homework assignments.

Our worksheet for this week was actually pretty fun. We got to answer questions like these:
  • What are your 3 favorite things that your fiance does for you during the week: washes the dishes after I cook dinner, kisses me right when he comes home from work, checks in with me to see how my day is going, and bonus: doesn't judge my daily wine.
  • What are 2 things that you do on a daily basis to show your love to your partner: keep the home clean, organzied, & cozy & cook dinner/grocery shop/allow him to eat.
  • What annoys you the most about your partner? This week? The way he drives.

I've been thinking a lot about these sessions, and relationships in general. I really, really want my marriage to be strong. But, like anything, in order to get strong, it takes work.

My sister-in-law,-to-be, a newlywed herself, and I were talking over Thanksgiving and she said something that really struck me,"You get your car cleaned every few months, and you have a cleaning lady deep wash your house, and you go to the gym to work on your body, and you see your dentist to keep your teeth clean, but what exactly do you do to work on your marriage?


Good point.

We have some guidance for pre-work for our marriage, but I want to make sure Joel and I continue to work  on our marriage. It's something that so easily gets thrown to the side, because it can always wait til tomorrow. But, I really want to keep the success of my marriage a top priority.

How? Don't know yet.....but I'm determined to find out.


I'm reading The Happiness Project which has been useful, but what else do you do to keep your relationship healthy? Strong? Successful? Happy?


  1. I love this post! I think in all of the hullabaloo of wedding planning (and it happens to all of us!), it is something that gets put on the back burner. This is something Brian and I have made a priority as well. We read a lot of marriage books, set a schedule and read on our own time and then get back together to discuss. Some of my favorites have been "His Needs Her Needs" and "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." I think just having your mind focused on making your marriage be the best it can be does worlds for how you interact, communicate, and treat each other.

    The other thing we try to do is ask each other these five questions on Sunday nights (with varying degrees of success in remembering to do so: http://www.todaysletters.com/p/tuesday-questions.html

    I'm looking forward to reading other responses for ideas. :)

  2. I remember our pre Cana! Continue to make time for each other even when things are super hectic. Turn off the tv, put down your phone and just talk to one another. Don't forget to date and make time to enjoy each others company:)

  3. As someone who studied counseling for 6 years, I have to say I think pre-marital counseling is one of the most important things a couple can do before getting married. Loved your little homework questionnaire. So fun. :)

  4. From what I hear, pre-marital counselling sounds like a really amazing and positive experience. To me it always made sense, I mean you're planning your wedding, you should probably plan for what comes after-marriage.

  5. We loved our pre-cana too! It's always nice to slow down, reflect, dig in, and make progress.

    In terms of keeping our marriage strong, this month I've really made an effort to not just tell J.B. that I love him but rather WHY I love him... it seems to make the words that much more meaningful. Plus we both get a bit surprised with what comes out - even when you think your partner knows all of the things that you love about them, a lot of times they don't! I'd definitely recommend it.